I'm Unsupervised

I just came back from having lunch with a friend. She is going through a rough patch with her partner. He called while we were out and they had a bit of a tiff over the phone.

I sat awkwardly across from her and pretended to be fascinated with something on my own device. He was yelling and her volume just happened to be on high so when he asked who she was with and she responded “Laura” I heard him say, “Why do you only hang out with friends who are failures?” He then went on to blame me for their martial spat citing that because I recently ended my relationship that is the reason they are having problems. I won’t get into their relationship, because it’s none of my business.

It did get me thinking about my own life though. Why am I deemed a failure by this man? Is it because I’m recently single? If that’s the case would my ex also be awarded the same title? Or is because I am now in my mid thirties, a woman, and unattached? For all other aspects of my life I would think I am doing just fine. I own my house, pay my bills, I take care of another living being (not just the raccoon who is still by the way living in my house), I have a full time job, and I have an active social life (when I don’t feel like being lazy). Why is it that I am a failure in the eyes of this man?

So, what do we as people judge as being success or a failure? Are we really still judging people by whether or not they have a significant other? Why does that constitute success? Frankly, everyone I know in a relationship is going through something. At least being single means that I don’t have to run my life by someone else. I can make my own choices without thinking about how this will effect someone else. (Within reason I’m not going out and being a menace to society.)

I am able to admit I have flaws and I’m still learning, but aren’t we all? Isn’t that the point of life? To learn and grow and change. Be malleable. I am willing to admit when I am wrong and when I need help.

Part of the reason for me starting this blog is hold myself accountable. I want to be able to call myself an adult and feel that way. I want to be a person who is confident about a challenge, so I am holding myself responsible and working on my own. In my eyes I am not a failure and wouldn’t judge anyone else as harshly. We are all working towards something. As long as we continue to accept our own ignorance and learn from it I wouldn’t put anyone in that category.

Life is hard enough without having to maintain appearances for the sake of other people. I won’t do it. I am who I am and if that isn’t enough for some people that’s fine. They can move on. I will be happier not having them judge me.